Ahhhhhh........ The Life

Well dear reader. It's been a while. Why have I not written a blog in a while? Well, with the schedule we've had I've had about as much time to write a blog as somebody who can't think of an analogy about somebody who has no time to write a blog.

That's a lie..................I'm lazy.

The schedule has been tough with the Sounds last road trip consistimng of three 10:30 AM games that came right on the heels of a 10:30 AM game at Greer. Usually when you have so many day games following night games following travel days you contribute toone of the favorite baseball pastimes. Bitching about your schedule.

[FOUR OLD MEN WITH CREAKY KNEES AND BLOWN OUT SHOULDERS SIT AROUND A TABLE WITH LARGE CIGARS AND SNIFTERS OF 20 YEAR OLD TAWNY PORT]

1ST BALLPLAYER: I remember one year we had it rough. There were four of us in a three bedroom home and everyday we would all pile into a beat up old Cadillac and drive to the ballpark for early work and our manager would yell at us all the time. The clubbie would feed us chicken wings every day and we wound up a game under .500 that year.

2^ND BALLPLAYER: Bedroom’s? You had it easy. There were six of us living in a two room trailer. And we slept on the floor. Each day we would get up at 9:00 AM and all six of us would pile into a ’81 Chevette and drive to the ballpark where we had to rake the infield every day while the manager, drunk off his ass, would call us names and fine us for stupid stuff, a hundred dollars every time, and he would work the bullpen each and every night, sometime throwing guys five days in a row. We had cold soup after every game and we finished 20 games out of first.

3^rd BALLPLAYER: A FLOOR?........Luxury. There were 20 of us sleeping in the groundskeepers shed and every day we’d get up at five in the morning and pick up all the garbage in the stadium. Then the manager would release five or six of us just for fun and tell the press how bad the rest of us sucked. Then he would bean us in the head during batting practice and fine us for not getting out of the way. Since we were always short players, I had to play first and second base and we lost over 100 games. Aftre the game the clubbie would feed us leftover hotdogs from the previous game.

4^th BALLPLAYER: You had a shed? Oh! What we would have given for a shed! There were 24 of us, plus the roving catching instructor living in a shoebox in the middle of the road! Every day we would get up at midnight, an hour after the previous game ended. Eat a bowl of hot gravel and we would lick the road clean with our tongues. Then we would report to the ballpark, all of us on one unicycle, and run 20 miles while the manager beat us about the head and neck with a baseball bat and fine us a thousand dollars for every mile. We were so bad we lost almost every game. 130 that year I believe. The only games we won were when the other team would refuse to take the field because they felt so sorry for us……….But we were glad to have a job then.

1^st BALLPPLAYER: Well, when I said home, it was a home to “us”. We lived in a paper bag in the bottom of a septic tank. Really, there were 146 of us, all the rosters from AAA to Rookie ball, and thirty guys on rehab recovering from gangrene. Every day we would get up four hours before the previous game ended and do PFP’s for 28 hours. Then we would clean the septic tank with a tissue. Then we would crawl on our hands and knees to the ballpark and pay the manager $500.00 just for the privilege of playing. We lost every game and were charged with 60 extra losses just because by the league and after the game the manager would cut our heads off with a dull knife.

2^nd BALLPLAYER: But!........We were happy then.

3^rd BALLPLAYER: Try telling that to the rookies today.

4^th BALLPLAYER: They won’t believe you

1^st BALLPLAYER:……….I had to room with Emil Brown.

OTHER BALLPLAYERS: Eeeeewwwwwwhhhh!

Sometimes I have to check myself and realize that I have a job that most people would kill for and I get to watch baseball every day for a living. As Willie Stargell once said, “I ain’t complaining. I asked for this job.”

Well, with the Sounds currently two games out of first as of this writing(boo Iowa), and two games over .500, things could be worse. The roughest part of the schedule is over (On the road for 16 of 20 days) and the Sounds are still hanging in there. The lineup has been boosted by the addition of Laynce Nix. Andy Abad is hitting A-Good (Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid joke but hello? Lazy? Me?). Andy is a veteran ballplayer who not only holds down a job playing first, left and occasional DH, he also helps hold the clubhouse together. Like Brent Abernathy and Pat Borders before him, Abad is the clubhouse veteran who makes sure the young players act right and behave. You know, say something to the AAA rookie who leaves his smelly shower shoes in the middle of the clubhouse or the young guy who doesn’t know how much he should tip the clubbie, etc. Andy is also the guy who has been around and if he doesn’t like something, he’ll say so. The thing is, the more he disapproves of an aspect of his working environment, the better he hits. For example, Andy isn’t too fond of our batters eye. Nobody is. It should be a bit bigger and even the flat green paint they use to cover it tends to reflect light on those Sunday afternoon games. Andy shows his displeasure by hitting everything off of the batters eye as if he is trying to get a head start in knocking it down.

The prospects are prospecting. I keep thinking I’ll have to edit this blog every time the phone rings. Yovanni Gallardo and Ryan Braun really have nothing left to prove in AAA. They are ready for the majors. Braun, after 12 days off with a sore left wrist is back to hitting bombs and Gallardo continues to pitch lights out. Gallardo is 21 going on 31. I don’t exaggerate when I say he is likely the best pitching prospect I have seen in a Sounds uniform and that includes Kris Benson and Bronson Arroyo. Yovanni has the rare ability of having a great arm and knows how to use it. He can throw 95 but realizes that he doesn’t always have to. He’ll generally start hitters out with an 89-90 mph fastball and once he gets two strikes on you he’ll turn the dial up to 11 and blow one past you at 94-95. The hitters have a better chance of hitting the ball out of the catchers hand as he throws it around the horn than they do Gallardo’s. With Doug Melvin in town the last few days I expect I will soon see a luggage tag on their equipment bags for Milwaukee soon.

One more game left at home, Thirsty Thursday where Greer Stadium turns into the biggest nightclub in Nashville for five innings and then it’s off to Albuquerque, a city with far to many “q’s” in its name. I’ll try and get off my lazy butt and write another blog soon. Ripping off Monty Python isn’t too hard.

Here are a couple of bands to check out. The first are the Lower Broads. While they may not like the comparison I think of the New York Dolls every time I see them. They have a good time on stage and so do their fans. It’s high energy and its good for you. Like Red Bull.

The other is november. These guys have gotten better with every album and Hunter Briley is one of the best frontmen in town, even if he is a crappy bartender who has to ask the customer what goes in a Jack and Coke. They are playing a bunch of dates around town these days and you should go check them out.