Spring Training, AKA, My In-N-Out Pilgrimage to Cheeseburger Mecca

A couple weeks back I went for my annual check-up. I found that I was in horrible shape. My organs were too busy telling me I was number one to actually do their job and had gone on strike, not for better wages, but for a better host. Somebody who would actually treat their body as the temple it truly was rather than the repository for horrible foods and drink it had become. I vowed to change. I quit drinking soda, cut way back on drinking period and started eating more salads and going back to the gym.

This blog is about my trip to Phoenix and how I trashed that vow like it stole something.

In reality it wasn’t that bad. I still cut way back on drinking, avoided soft drinks and managed to lug a heavy backpack and even heavier case around Arizona. My dietary lapse, however, can be blamed on one location. In-N-Out Burger. This hamburger chain, located only in California, Las Vegas and Phoenix is the Mecca of fast food burger joints. The fries are fresh cut, the burgers are perfectly broiled the shakes are that perfect consistency between chocolate milk and Sakrete Cement Mix. We arrived on Saturday and managed to eat at this Hamburger Valhalla Saturday, Sunday, and twice Monday (on the way to Tucson and when we got back to Phoenix). Tuesday we ate at IHOP which, by the way, doesn’t have a very international feel. Everyone spoke English, nobody tried to charge me $100 euros for a two block cab ride and being an actual American did not cause a chorus of boos and hisses. Though I must admit our syrup steward was exceptional. It’s ironic that we ate almost all our meals at eateries with names that denote movement, yet contributed greatly to our future immobility. Besides, Doug Scopel, our outstanding Media Relations Director and my traveling companion on this trip ate there more than I did.

Oh! Yeah. And we watched some baseball.

The Sounds parent club, the Milwaukee Brewers, hold spring training at Maryvale Baseball Park on the northwest side of Phoenix. If you ask for directions to Maryvale and somebody tells you to take a left at the strip mall........................smack them. Phoenix is one BIG strip mall after strip mall after strip mall after PETCO after strip mall. If the Roman Catholic Church has an arch diocese in Phoenix I’d be willing to bet its shoehorned into a strip mall between a nail salon and a Blimpie’s. Maryvale Baseball Park is a pretty nice facility set back in a residential neighborhood. The minor league complex is a nice series of offices and conference rooms with a pretty good workout facility and four fields behind them that back up against each other with a tower in the middle that coaches and instructors will sit up in and try and view all the games going on.

After picking up our press passes from Mike Vasallo, the ever helpful Brewers Media Relations Director, we headed off to Mesa, Arizona and the Chicago Cubs complex to watch the Brewers Triple-A club (that would be the Sounds) take on the Cubs Triple- A club (Iowa. Duh.) It turned out to be a pretty good game if you were a Brewers fan and a pretty typical one if you rooted for the Cubs. Yovanni Gallardo pitched into the 2^nd inning before leaving with what appeared to be a blister and Alec Zumwalt threw well in relief.

After the game we stopped at In-N-Out Burger.

After lunch we attempted to check into the motel without any luck. Our reservation had gotten messed up and we wound up having to go to another motel. This worked out well because the new hotel was closer to Maryvale and there was an IHOP right down the street.

Sunday we managed to get a bunch of work done filming segments for “Sounds On Demand”, our monthly news magazine. We were lucky we had a very patient cameraman in Tim George who was very patient with the numerous times I messed up. A typical shot would go something like this:

ME: Welcome to Maryvale Stadium…

TIM: It’s Maryvale Baseball Park

ME: Welcome to Maryvale Stadium in sunny Tucson, Ariz….

TIM: We’re in Phoenix

ME: Phoenix Tennessee!

TIM: Arizona

ME: Where the grass is always greener, the beer is always colder and the something is always something……..

TIM: Let’s try that again

ME: Sky is always bluer!

TIM: Still rolling…..

We did manage to get those shots done and we also put a number of interviews in the can. We interviewed Rickie Weeks, Prince Fielder and Cory Hart on camera (watch Corey Hart try and keep a straight face as Prince and Rickie do a goofy dance off-camera). We then headed up to the front office where we sat down for interviews with Brewers GM Doug Melvin and Assistant GM Gord Ash. Melvin burst one of my bubbles when I asked him if promising Bill Hall he could stay in one position was a factor in Hall signing a multi year extension.

“No, I think 24 million dollars was a big factor”

I am now of the opinion that Doug Melvin is an unidealisitic realist. Poor Doug.

Monday brought about the task I had really come down to Phoenix for. I was scheduled to broadcast two spring training games back to Nashville. Game one would be in Tucson, AZ at Tucson Electric Park. I offered to drive because 1) I have been to the park before and nominally know my way and 2) Doug Scopel drives like he is getting paid by the hour.

Having made the 116 mile drive in just under 23 minutes (I was driving) I set up to broadcast the Brewers v. Arizona Diamondbacks. This game would feature two teams who have made numerous deals in the past few years with the end result being that the Brewers have Chris Capuano, Dave Bush, Craig Counsell, Johnny Estrada, Zach Jackson Tony Graffanino, Claudio Vargas and Greg Aquino from the Diamondbacks or from trades involving players they snookered away from the Diamondbacks, while the Diamondbacks have Dave Krynzel, a hamster named “Squeaky” and a pet rock. As soon as I walked in rolling my equipment case towards the elevator, I passed Tom Haudricourt, the Brewers long time beat writer in a hurry to get somewhere. Tom was racing to get down on the field to get quotes from Brewers management about a deal that had just been completed minutes before, the trade of Brady Clark to the Los Angeles Dodgers in exchange for left-handed reliever Elmer Dessens (another former Sound, albeit for just one game back in 1998) Being around the core of major league baseball when headlines are made gives you a rush that is hard to describe. It may explain why the writers were almost sprinting down to the field as if they just heard the ice cream truck coming.

The game was a beauty if you were a Brewers fan. Vargas pitched extremely well with no hits allowed until Justin Upton tripled to right center. Vinny Rottino, “The Pride of Racine”, leading off the top of the third inning with a solo home run and capping the third with a two run double to put the game away. Tony Gwynn and Corey Hart both doubled so the Nashville contingent was well represented. It was a good way to see if the broadcast equipment and the broadcaster still worked. The equipment was in better form.

After the game and an aborted attempt to find an In-N-Out Burger in Tucson (“COMING SOON” just doesn’t cut it guys) we drove back to Phoenix. Actually, I drove because A) In-N-Out Burger was in Phoenix and B) Doug Scopel drives like he’s going into brain surgery. Seriously, if I drove that slow I’d wear a “World’s Greatest Grandpa” t-shirt.

Tuesday was more of the same, just in Phoenix. The Brewers hosted the Oakland A’s and besides a mix up in who was using which booth (possession is 9/10ths of the law and I was there first! Sorry Robert) things went well. I shook off the some of the rust from the off season and managed to keep the mistakes down to my average of 376………per inning. The big news Tuesday was the trade of former Sounds ace Ben Hendrickson to the Kansas City Royals for a catcher named Maxim St. Pierre. This, by the way, is one of the greatest adult film names ever invented. He shouldn’t be catching; he should be in a cheesy movie like “Bikini Summer II”. I hope this trade will give Ben a new start. He absolutely dominated at this level and earned a few call ups to the Brewers, but could not get much done when he was there. A new organization, city, team, etc. should be good for all concerned. I honestly think that we will see Ben in a long relief role in KC by the end of the year. By the way, the Brewers lost 8-3.

So now we are back in Nashville ready, or not, for another season. I can’t wait for the umpire to yell “Play Ball!” on Opening Day. I can’t wait for the smell of popcorn and funnel cakes, the crack of the bat, the sight of fans entering the ballpark and the sound of Chuck Ross yelling “I seeeeeeeeee you Chuck Valenches! I seeeeeee you!...............Touch my buckle.”

Really. I can’t wait.