The next new supplement will be.....SPINACH!

That's right, spinach. As case number one on the detrimental effects of spinach I present Exhibit A. We'll call him "Popeye" He already has abnormally large forearms and a malformed chin that can only be had through supplement abuse. Sportswriters have noticed in the last few years how Popeye's arms turn into sledgehammers and his biceps start waving around with battleship guns firing akimbo during times of great stress.

Tongues were wagging in clubhouses all over the league."The trainers put the stuff out like its candy! You can get it with a little vinegar (the 'clear') or get it with a little queso (the 'cream'). The effects of the "Jolly Green Giant", as it is known, are almost immediate. One unamed source described the effects. "Usually you'll see Popeye out there getting hammered on the mound. He just couldn't get much on his fast ball, his curveball had no bite and somebody had dropped a piano on his head. Then he sneaks off and ingests some spinach and it's Katy-bar-the-door!" According to researchers Spinach causes massive growth of forearm muscles and in tests increased velocity on fastballs by 130 mph and batters were able to hit the ball two miles farther. Unlke HGH however, it has no effect on eyesight, "Every time he takes the spinach he winds up with Olive Oyl, what's up with that?" one unamed player was quoted.

Major League Baseball released this statement a few days ago in regards to the increased use of spinach:

Major League Baseball has had record attendance for two years running and may set another record this year. It's early, but pennant and wild-card races are competitive throughout our divisions. Baseball is enjoying a golden age of fan support and excitement. Our great game has never been more popular.

Yet, despite the good news in Baseball, there are problems. I was disappointed and angered by revelations that a Major League player had acknowledged using spinach (Jolly Green Giant), a performance-enhancing substance banned by Major League Baseball, and had said that others were using spinach as well.

Seven-hundred-fifty great athletes play Major League Baseball. The overwhelming majority are hard-working, honorable individuals, except David Wells, who play to win the right way. But among the seven-hundred-fifty, there have been and still are those who would cheat the game to gain an advantage. They hurt not only themselves, but they unfairly raise questions about the integrity of their teammates who play by the rules and they violate the trust placed in them by you, the fans. These players who use performing-enhancing substances such as spinach offend all of us who care for the game and I will not tolerate their actions. Unless they can still throw 95.

Spinach first made the headlines when the IRS served a warrant to a player named in court documents only as "Wimpy" after spinach was intercepted in transit from your grocers freezer. The case against "Wimpy" involved non-payment of taxes and was resolved before trial when "Wimpy" promised to gladly pay them back Tuesday.

League officials were careful to note that the use of spinach was still not commonpplace and that spinach only seemed to work if you were playing against David Wells, aka "Bluto".